This device allows you to do what the hell you want in the water! Brilliant!
To the untrained eye of the average scuba diver or instructor, the above device may appear to be an underwater camera; a relatively common digital device found in most people’s mobile phones, contained in a watertight housing, allowing you to take photographs or video footage beneath the surface. However, you’re wrong.
Researchers at The Scuba Monkey’s top-secret labs (off the A3 near Horsham) have discovered this item is actually a special machine that can in the correct hands bend the laws of physics and common decency and, in many circumstances, cause a total breakdown in social skills.
Shortly before swimming in the opposite direction to the dive group “I thought I saw a puffer fish”
Pamela, a PADI Open Water diver, appeared to be quite a normal recreational diver until given one of these devices. “I bought one of these little pieces of technology in duty-free before my trip to Thailand. I was previously under the impression that you should keep in contact with your buddy and remain with the rest of the group while diving. The camera changed all that. I soon realised that holding this item meant I could do whatever I wanted.” She elucidated “…this fantastic device allows me to bump into other divers or, conversely, disappear in the other direction whenever it suits – without any thought for my fellow divers or sense of responsibility. It’s brilliant!”
The large number of strobes and attachments means this diver is allowed to barge you out of the way to blind Harlequin Shrimps – blame it on adjusting your white balance!
Recent advances in digital technology has meant more and more divers have access to these wonderful pieces of technology. Ben, a PADI Advanced Open Water diver on a trip to the Red Sea said “It’s a wonderful invention. When I learned to dive I was told by my instructor that my dive profile would be defined by my no-decompression limits and air consumption. Getting one of these cameras changed all that. I can now simply ignore everything I was taught; NDL limits, air consumption, depth limits, kicking the reef…it doesn’t matter. I can just say I saw something interesting and ‘hey presto!’ it’s all ok – I’m absolved of behaving like a maniac when I re-appear on the dive deck.”
Shortly before kicking over a 200 year old fan coral without realising.
Jerry was a budding technical diver before discovering the joys of owning an underwater camera. “I used to have to learn all this ‘physics’ rubbish and dive planned, safe profiles in a team with plans, bail out plans and redundancy. Now I’ve forgotten all that. And carrying a camera means I have the added trump card that I can barge people out of the way or block their views of anything interesting for 10 minutes at a time so that I can get my 126th picture of a parrot fish.”
People owning one of these wonders of modern science can also, at will, command as much space as they please on dive decks, seating areas or liveaboard saloons.
And, in extremely lucky circumstances, they may share with you, unprompted, all 234 pictures of a Clown Fish on the tiny screen of their device while you watch your dinner get cold.
All this from a tiny box. Truly a marvel of modern technology.
Article by Scuba Monkey